An MFRW Author Post – and check out the other blogs on the hop!
As romance and erotic romance writers, we are inundated in love and relationships. What does it take for two people to get close enough to bare themselves? What does it take for them to stay together, through the good times and the bad? I have been in a serious relationship for nearly four years, (let’s just call him R,) me, the woman who freaked at commitment for far too long and still panics at the idea of marriage, and I’ve learned a lot, both in writing, and in loving, about what it takes to stick it out. For me, at least, these are the most important elements to any relationship.
Communication is Key
Romance novels love a good communication FUBAR. After all, more drama happens in romance – shootouts, kidnappings, cheating, etc, than ever happens in real life. But though it makes for a good book, being stoic and silent is hardly the stuff dreams are made of. Sitting your ass down in the chair and talking about the problem, facing it head on, that’s the only way through. It’s not always easy, but it is always important.
Actually Hearing Each Other Out
Okay, I’m bad at this. I’ll say it point blank. As the Type-A-Ravenclaw-Gemini, I have twelve arguments spelled out with footnotes before my boyfriend can manage his thesis. But it’s something I’m working toward, listening and understanding his perspective in an argument, and I am trying to put my pride aside. I’m sure I’ll get better at it one day.
Fight it Out
Anyone who says they don’t fight with their lover must have a real boring relationship. R and I argue, usually about stupid things, but it’s a necessary form of communication in and of its own right. And some arguments aren’t fights, but good old-fashioned debates, which anyone knows is a Ravenclaw writer’s all-time favorite thing in the world. We’ll argue about books, about politics, about our relationship, but we always come out the better for it.
(One side note, we did get into an argument and I went on a long walk and when I came back he had three big garbage bags of clothing on the floor and I straight up lost ten years of my life before he realized and explained he was just donating them and not moving out…)
Cuddle, Snuggle, PDA and Terms of Endearment
I am the worst. I love to cuddle more than I love to breathe. Snuggling under the blankets is my all-time favorite! I also work with kids, so the terms of endearment thing are out of control. Right now, R has about fifteen of them. The cat has even more.
I recognize that this isn’t for everyone, but I know that if I were in a relationship with someone who couldn’t give me a kiss or hold my hand in public, I’d probably just leave. The snuggles have value.
Make ‘em Laugh
We’re laughers. Usually at the stupidest, most inane things. We watch videos of puppies falling down, get into pillow fights and make faces at each other. I’m a laugher. I laugh. R laughs. We laugh at each other. There is so much in the world that makes it hard to laugh, and I like knowing that at the end of the day, I have someone who will always make me a smile.
* * *
For me, this is romantic love, but it’s also friend love, the fundamentals of any important relationship. As for the fun stuff, I’m not so hard to win over. Talk to me about books, strong female characters or writing and I’m yours. Bring me ice cream or something cheesy, we’re best friends. I don’t know how common extroverted writers are, but I’m one of them, and I love meeting new people and sharing new experiences. If you want to win my heart, the first step is just to come up and say hi. Chances are, we’ll be friends right out of the gate. ♦
Snuggles are definitely high on the list! I also find it amusing that most of my long-tern relationships before marriage involved heated arguments before we dated…..and sometimes afterward. My two best male friends turned out to be men I couldn’t stand when I met them….but over the years we’ve formed an unbreakable bond. I just wish I’d married one of them, lol!
Snuggles are essential! Great list!
I’m only partway through today’s list, yet I’m already noticing some patterns. Laughter. Cuddling.
Snuggles rule. Great post!
Learning to fight fair really is important for the long haul!
Communication is definitely key to a good relationship (snuggles help, too!).